Day 87 | DECEMBER 06, 2021
Good Evening Friends, today is day 87 of our new and amazing life!
I must give you a warning, this is a very long post…
Today I worked during the morning , but it was hard to concentrate, not sure why, maybe because I am starting to see our next phase become more real each day. I also have been thinking about something and I would love to write about this in detail.
I have noticed that a lot of people here and off our Facebook group, think of me as this amazing and perfect husband, and I would like to offer some clarification.
Charlie and I have been married for almost 14 years, and there is no doubt that Charlie has made me a better man, and she also made me a Father of two incredible little boys, but it is important for my own peace of mind that everyone knows that I am far from amazing or perfect.
I was the husband that didn’t it help with the house choirs, I am the husband that was always too busy with work to spend time with the kids, I am the husband that expected a home cooked meal for Lunch and Dinner, I am the husband that does not do his own laundry, I am the husband that would say hurtful things to my wife, I am the husband that have made his wife cry with my words, I am the husband that have become angry over petty things, I am the husband that would complain about the kids mess, I am the husband that thought that I deserved to lay on the sofa after dinner and not help clean up because I had worked so hard , I am the husband that refused to do better, because I was too busy to bother , I am the husband without any empathy towards anyone , I am the husband that expected my wife to take care of the kids full time, help me with our business , clean the house , cook amazing meals and be happy and grateful to have me !
The one thing I can take pride in is that I never lied to my wife.
I am the husband that took his wife for granted. Until that day, the world as I knew it came apart without any warning, I thought that I had lost her forever, and in an instant I realized how much I would miss her, and at that very moment, regret almost killed me !
As I walked past the meeting room right by the entrance of the burn unit, I have flashbacks every time that small meeting room door is open, that is the room I met for the first time with Charlie’s Surgeon and the Chaplain, and at that moment I know he would tell me that my wife had died, I just had that feeling inside of me, so that room with its 5 black chairs, oversized coffee table, two windows and fake flower arrangement, that room represents the moment I thought my wife was dead, I will never forget the feeling of emptiness and sorrow that I was flooded for about 45 seconds until my brain processed the doctor words, that my wife was critical but Alive ! The Chaplain later confirmed that she also thought that Charlie was dead !
I also realized how much my wife meant to me and to my family, and I tried to imagine and envision a life without her, and I just couldn’t, without her I couldn’t exist.
There is a saying, You never realize the value of something/someone until it is gone !
So, if you now think that I am an amazing husband, please know that it took the real thought of losing her, to make me truly realize how amazing of a wife I have, and the one thing I promised myself was that I would not go back to my old ways, God did not spare my wife’s life and gave us a second chance for me to go back into my old selfish ways!
I am so blessed to have a second chance to make it right. I am very grateful for God’s grace, and I pray that he gives me the strength to change my ways. I also pray to be deserving of this second change .
Yes, moving forward I will do my best to be the best possible husband and father. People may think that I am that right now , I am not there yet, I will work very hard towards that goal and I am confident that I will eventually achieve, I will use the same drive I have for business to do right by my family and to give back to the community that has given so much to us on the time of our need .
Sorry for letting you down, but I had to get this out of my chest. The hardest part of being Vulnerable is to expose the ugly parts of my inside, but it is also liberating and it takes courage.
That is the real kind of husband that I was!
I am beyond ashamed of the person and I am and I am praying that I will do better .
Now let’s talk about Charlie , she is doing great today !
Charlie is off the ventilator starting today , they want to see how far can she go, this is the first step to be off the ventilator for good , They are also reducing her pain meds, since she seems to be more comfortable with her pain level, Charlie has remained fever free for the last 12 days or so , she is in a very good mental state and I am so grateful for her incredible recovery, her healing is also going so well, her nurse today told me that she has never seen someone heal this fast!
Once again the power of your prayers and positive thoughts! Charlie had a very good day !
Here is what I would like to ask all wife’s, mother’s , husbands and fathers and men & Women today. Take a moment to look into the accountability mirror tonight or tomorrow morning, and take inventory of your insecurities, your fears, you and only you know what areas you can do better .
Please don’t wait until the one person you love the most is gone, and regret will ravage you, there is no guarantee that you may get a second chance like I did and there is no guarantee of tomorrow, life is too short to not live the best possible life we can.
I am just sharing my own life experience, I hope it can help someone to avoid the same pitfalls that I had fallen into. I am not asking for any sympathy, just your prayers, always remember this is my personal Journal and sometimes I will talk about my own issues and thoughts.
I know this is a long post and I appreciate you for taking the time to read it. I am now having the privilege to see life from a very different point of view.
May God Bless You .