Day 73 | NOVEMBER 22, 2021
Good evening friends, today is day 73 of our new and amazing life.
Today once again I am frustrated, when I arrived at the hospital Charlie was being placed back on the ventilator, she was off for just couple hours when they decide to place her back, the reason given to me is the reason just made me even more frustrated, I was told why and did not make much sense to me, I am frustrated at a lot of things, the list is just way too long to post in here , it is extremely difficult for me to not be able to have control over what is best for my wife, it is hard to have to accept decisions that I may not agree with, I have accepted our new life, but it does not mean it is easy to live it, I am grateful for God’s grace and strength, but lately my humanity is taking a bigger role on this journey, I am a planner, I am a dreamer , I have a very difficult time being where my feet is, My mind is always in the future , but now , at this moment I am required to be right here where my feet is, and boy I just don’t like it!
We have absolutely lost our freedom, even if temporarily, we no longer can do what we want when we want , it breaks my heart to see Charlie not only in bed , but back on the ventilator, I do know how much Charlie must be struggling inside of her head, if I think I am a planner , she is a much bigger planner than I am.
I am absolutely frustrated, but yet I remain grateful for Charlie’s miracle, she is alive and she is healing, I am grateful for your generosity and prayers.
I am humbled by our Journey, I am grateful for all the positive and good, but yet the frustration has found its way into my mind, and unlike fear I didn’t see it coming, but as I said before, I will allow all feelings to express it self, I will just not allow any negative feeling to become permanent in my mind, for the last few days I have been extremely frustrated, but I pray and I hope that tomorrow I will be less frustrated.
I have faith that God will not let me down. He has given me the biggest miracle I could ask for , my wife’s life and in him I trust !
Two quotes to explain my state of mind right now is :
“ Sometimes I get to the point of frustration, that I just become silent “
“ Tears are often a sign of frustration “
And yes I know , the source of all frustration is expectations.
Besides all my feelings, today was a good visit. Charlie is in good spirits and we chatted about her day. She asked me about the boy's birthday party. She asked me to brush her teeth, she is such an inspiration to me, never complains, always so graceful.
I appreciate your support, and please pray for us, Charlie needs to be off the ventilator for good. Thank you and May God Bless You .